Easter Fun!

Well, we decided to take Gavin to the Easter Egg Hunt that the church put on at a local park. We really didnt expect him to get what he was supposed to do, but expected him to get excited and run around outside (which he loves) when he saw the other kids getting excited and running around. Well, he proved us wrong. He took off with his bucket and started putting eggs in it as fast as he could. We were amazed, and he just loved it, so we were really glad that we took him. Here's a few pictures from his big day of fun!

After seeing his love for the Easter Egg hunting on Saturday, after Church (and naptime) on Sunday, we tossed some eggs out in the backyard for him and let him go crazy. He just loved it again. He also thought it might possibly be the coolest thing ever that we grilled and ate in the backyard.. with no highchair! Amazing! Here's a few from the backyard adventures!

Here's the backyard before we let the monster loose!

And Gavin's favorite part of the day, eating in the "big chair" and playing on his slide!

Gavin's snow day

So we woke up this morning to a suprise. We had 3 inches (or so) of snow. Knowing that we may be moving to Phoenix in the near future, I figured it was the best opportunity possible to let Gavin have some time in the snow. So, we bundled up, despite the fact that we don't have snow clothes for him, 3 pairs of pants under a pair of lined waterproof pants, along with a few layers on top, a pair of mittens, and a goofy looking hat to top it all off, and he was set to go. I of course couldnt find his regular red fleece hat that fit nicely, so we had to squeeze his mellon into a old hat, that didnt look much to comfortable, but he didnt seem to mind.

So, we went ouside, and I'm not sure he really cared about the snow, he was just thrilled to be outside playing at all. Then of course, being Gavin, he spotted the stairs up to the deck, and spent most of his time there going up and down them. He loved to run around the back yard though of course, since thats what he does!

At the very end of our time out there, he finally figured out how to take his mitten off and got to stick his hand down into the snow. At first it was interesting to feel the soft, cold, squishy feeling, but he quickly realized that it went from interesting to uncomfortable, so inside we went, where we stood on a beach towel and peeled out of layers, back down to jammies, which were the bottom layer and then cuddled under the blanket on the couch and watched cartoons. It was a great day, and I think he really did enjoy his brief time in the snow! We got some great pictures!

A little update.

So, as predicted, the naptime was a total fluke, and I wish I knew what made it so easy! haha! Last night for bedtime he cried for about 15 mintues, and then the same for naptime today. So, we'll see how it goes. I am not caving on this, as sucky as it is. I actaully took the option away to cave by bagging up the bottles and putting them away in the attic. I hate getting up into the attic, it really scares me, so I opened it up and threw the bag up and as far back in there as I could get it. Therefore, I can't use them, becasue A) I hate the attic and B) nick has forbidden me from climbing up the attic stairs while pregnant. So, issue solved, I dont even know where they landed up there, they are just among the piles of other junk up there. haha. Anyway, wish us luck, hopefully tonight we'll get it down to 10 mintues? Yeah right, just for saying that tonight will be my hour of fighting with him.

For now though, he's doing well with it, just gets upset when he realizes that the routine has been broken. I wonder how long this will stick in his head and how long until the new routine is routine?

Another mini-update. Tonight I went to put him down, and as I started to tell him good night he started crying, he wasnt even in his crib yet. So, I layed him down and went through the rest of the routine with him screaming at me, and left. 3 minutes later he was still having the worst temper tantrum ever, and suddenly, he stopped, took a deep breath, layed down and said "ni ni doggie" (saying goodnight to his favorite stuffed dog) I swear, sometimes that kid is the strangest thing! Oh well, at least 3 minutes was our time for the night, hopefully tomorrow goes well, because after that, it's back to work for me, and I really need him to nap well while I'm watching Luke.

Valentines day

So this morning, I woke, and a sudden new determination hit me. Today is the day.

Let me explain. Gavin is almost 19months old now, and despite the fact that this has needed to happen for MANY months now, it hadnt. Gavin still takes a bottle to go to sleep. Most general advice, is between 12-15 months is the time that the bottle goes bye-bye. Well, I'm lame, and I havent ever taken it away, it's just been easier to let him have it to go to sleep. He only has it when he is falling asleep for a nap or at night, but, none the less, he's still taking a bottle. It's comforting to him, and I've not wanted to disturb that. Plus, it makes it INCREDIBLY easy to put him to bed, just lay him down, hand him the bottle and I dont hear another peep until morning. Well, today, I wake up and think this is ridiculous, this isnt right, I have to cut the bottle. I know it stresses nick out when gavin cries, so I figure while nick is gone and i have the next 3 days off, it's time.

So, this afternoon comes, and Im watching the clock dreading when it hits naptime. Naptime comes, and I take Gavin back to his room, change his diaper like always, and he stands up, turns off his light and asks for his bottle. (it's routine here..) I told him no, sorry, we didnt have anymore bottles, and that he would have to go to sleep without it from now on, and put him into his crib, told him good night along with the rest of the normal naptime routine minus the bottle. I walk out, close the door and brace myself for what I am sure is going to be a horrible fight for an hour + of him screaming his head off in an attempt to get his beloved bottle back. To my suprise.. silence. 5 minutes pass and I hear softly from his room "mama, wan baba" (mama I want a bottle) I ignore it, despite the fact that I know he's using his sweet voice in a last ditch effort to get me to bring him one. It's the softest sweetest voice imaginable, completly adorable and makes you wnat to do whatever he is asking of you. Well, I ignore him, and again, brace myself for the temper tantrum that is sure to follow, but again to my suprise, silence. That was 2.5 hours ago. He has been peacefully asleep without a bottle ever since.

I can not believe that he did not fight. I am completly shocked. This is the child that has drank a bottle EVERY time he has went to sleep for almost a year. I am beside myself right now. I am so excited that it went this well for the first nap. I seriously doubt that bedtime will go even partially as well as naptime did, but I'm so encouraged by the fact that he DID go easily to sleep without a bottle. It's proof that it CAN be done! I'm so excited to be a bottle free house.. at least for a few more months. Thats one of the big reasons it hit me today. I can't very well take away his bottles the day before we bring the baby home and start feeding it with bottles you know? Thats just mean. Plus, with potty training coming up fast, I can't be letting him drink himself to sleep, thats just setting him up for failure. Anyway, I'm so excited I had to share! Take care!


Oh, and Happy Valentines day!

The unexpected reaction

For the first time since we moved to Virginia, today, Nick went out to sea. Well, sort of. The ship left for what is called sea trials, in which basically, they are going out to see what will break during normal wear & use on the ship. They're gone for less than a week, so its not even like they are getting fully underway. I had no issues with this, I mean really, we've done much much longer seperations than this, so it's not really a big deal.

So now, on to the point of this blog. As I was watching the news today at noon, I see video of the carrier pulling out to sea. As weird as this sounds, I almost had a panic attack. Like I said, it's only a few days, and he's been gone for the last few weeks, so really we are in the home stretch. It's not a big deal. But, when I saw the ship under it's own power moving out to sea, a very unexpected thing happened. All the feelings from the last 4 years on the lincoln, and saying goodbye and watching the ship move out to sea more times than I can count. It was a realy strange feeling. I honestly didn't expect any feelings over this, but the underlying feeling for me, was a weird empty sadness. Even though I know its only for a few days, and I'm really not upset, I mean really, I'm pregnant, and I've got the bed to myself, it's not a bad thing completly. Of course I'd rather him be home, but if he's got to be gone, nows the time for it to happen. It just caught me completly off guard the way the feelings that I had every time the lincoln left hit me when I saw the ship pulling out today. It was really just strange. I've heard people say that you are conditioned for certain things, and some things will always stir the same emotions in you, and heck, I took several psychology classes devoted to just that topic in college, but I never fully understood it until recently.

I started to understand this conditioning phenomenon when we were at the commisioning ceremony back in January. Part of this ceremony, is "bringing the ship to life." During which, people run onboard and man the rails, the move on like no one has been on the ship before (which is kind of entertaining, but whatever) and then all the sirens are tested, lights are lit up, and the end finale is a sounding of the ships whistle. For those who have never heard a ships whistle go off, its a very deep loud sound, the kind that you feel in your chest and makes the ground move. Literally. It is very loud. Well, every time a ship goes out to sea and comes back into port, the first thing it does as it is untied from the dock and as it is officially "in port" is blow it's whistle. I've heard this sound many times, alwas signaling the coming or going of the ship. So, it has always been emotional when I heard it, it meant saying goodbye for months or reconnecting after months. Now, after being in VA for over a year, I was sitting on the pier in January, with my husband standing less than 100ft away from me, and knowing fully that that dumb boat wasnt going anywhere, but when the whistle sounded, tears started running out of my eyes. My mom looked at me like I was insane. Heck, I looked at me like I was insane. I mean really, its a whistle, he's not coming or going, but to me, the sound of a ships whistle was a deep reminder of the past for us, and hopefully, not our future, but possibly.

So, after the commisioning and the tearful blow of the whistle, and today's almost panic attack at the sight of a ship going to sea and knowing that my husband was on it, I will say I am a complete and full believer in that people can be conditioned and trained to certain sights and sounds pulling out emotions that we never know are there. Anyway, not that anyone cares, I just wanted to write it down, because right now, it's either write out stuff, or go do dishes. :) So, anyway, I guess I'm off.

...

Ok, so, even though I have a whole new post in my head, I'm going to refrain because I think I've been WAY to negative lately. Plus, everyone needs to see some new Gavin pictures, and hear some general life updates.

Life is going here. Nick's work is crazy, but whats new. We're hoping that his orders go through sooner rather than later so we can be moved and settled before this baby gets here. Speaking of, the pregnancy is going. I still have yet to be seen by a dr (see the first angerfest post) but it is in progress. I'm still sick, and throwing up a little, which stinks, but I'll survive. The newest "issue" is that I'm completly exhausted 24/7. It makes it a little challenging since Nick is gone quite often, and for a week or two at a time, but, I'll survive. I made it 6 of the 9 months last time with him deployed, and then he came back and we moved across the country. It looks like we're seting up to do the same with this one. Good times.

Now, on to the important stuff! Gavin pictures! We went to Phoenix for Christmas with my family, it was nice. Although Gaving ended up catching croup while we were there that resulted in an overnight trip to the hospital for he and I (nick was arriving the next day naturally) He's pretty much back to 100% now, only coughing occasionaly, but those first nights were pretty rough. He had lots of fun while we were there, complete with a multi level house, complete with his favorite thing EVER, stairs. He has his own room and bed at grandma and grandpas house, and he made himself at home, as you'll see in some of the pictures. The first three are here at home before we left, but the rest are at my parent's house in phoenix.

This is one of my all time favorites.. we went to wake him up from his nap and he was sleeping like this. I guess we never explained to him that if he slept the other way, he would fit completly in the crib. Go figure. Oh, all that stuff laying beside the crib? Yeah, that was all in the now empty box. I guess he wasn't quite ready to nap when we put him down and he kept himself occupied with it.

My child is not a monster

Ok, this is another vent, totally different subject that the last one, but, again, I just need to get it out.

My child is big. I get it. He's tall, he's solid. He has chunky thighs. That's it though. Other than that, he's is very muscular and fit. He's 18 months old and 3 ft tall. He weighs 35 lbs. He's always been large, occasionally he's went through chunky phase, but I hardly think he qualifies for the book of records. He has no rolls on his stomach, no rolls on his arms. Hes very active, and distrubingly enough, has a set of 6 pack abs that defy his age. I am so so so sick of hearing "oh wow, he's huge!" "what do you feed him" and most recently " are you training him to be a ufc fighter or somthing?" I hear things like "oh, that kid would eat a brick" "are you sure you want another, you're not going to be able to afford to feed the one you have" "oh, it's gavin, of course he'll eat it"

I hear these things on a reagular basis, and its really hurtful. I've even been told that I should be looked into by cps because I must be mistreating my kid since he's so big. No, I do not mistreat my child. Obviously. He eats well, but not excessivly. A normal lunch or dinner for him is 3 chicken nuggets, half an apple and a couple spoonfulls of corn. He'll eat about 3/4 of a toasted chesse sandwich, or a hot dog. Those are his favorites. I mean really, maybe I'm just totally out of the loop on this parenting thing, but to me, that doesnt seem like he's eating excessivly. He eats what he would like, and when he is is full, reguardless of whether there is food left or not, he will tell me but signing "all done"

I can't tell you how many times I've actaully cried myself to sleep over this because yes, he's larger than average for his age, but he was born that way. He was born at 37 weeks, and measured 43 weeks for his weight/height. Every time people make these comments I don't think that they understand that they hurt me a lot deeper that just "oh ok". I know a lot of people think it's funny or a joke to goof around that my kid is big, but I'm just so tired of hearing it. I mean at 3 months people would ask me "What are you feeding him?!" "well, pizza, ice cream, the usual" really, what are they expecting? He's 3 months, he eats formula, ONLY. Even the ladies in the nursery at chruch occasionally comment "wow he's so big, you better watch out he'll eat you out of house and home"

IT's so hurtful, he's just a baby. He's bound to be teased and go through hard times later in life because of his size. Hopefully he'll slow down his growth and match up with other his own size soon, but he's bound to go through what everyone does at some point later down the road. Thankfully at this point he doesnt know what people are saying about him, but I do. At this point, they are criticizing me, not him. He's just a baby people, leave him alone. He's 100% healthy and he's not a giant. I mean if i have a 5 ft tall 3 year old, then ok, but he's just a couple inches taller than normal right now, so get over it.

I don't understand why everyone thinks its ok to say such mean and hurtful things to both nick and I. Recently, gavin and I made a trip down to the boat to visit daddy at work. We got there and of course while we were there we ran into several people that nick works with. Two nights later when nick got home, he said "well word got out about gavin" I asked what he meant and he said everyone at work jokes about gavins size and makes comments similar to the "ufc fighter" comment mentioned earlier. He's been called everythign from chunky, fatty, porker, bull, cow, to piggy. Why do people think its ok to call a baby these things. Luckily nick is able to jsut ignore it and he claims that while it does bother him, he can generally ignore it. If I had to work in that enviroment, I don't know how I'd deal. Even just writing those words about my son brought tears to my eyes. To me, he's perfect. I love my son with all my heart, and do think that we do an alright job with raising him, and according to our pediatrician, we do a good job with his nutritional needs. Unfortunatly, a lot of people don't understand how to make their "shut up" filter in their brain function properly.

So, I guess the point is, if you see a baby and are tempted to say "oh he's so chunky" or on the opposite end "she's so tiny, dont' you feed her enough" Think twice, becuase every word like that that you say cuts that mother or father deeper than you will ever know.

What now?

This is mostly a vent out of frustration, because I really don't have anyone to talk about this with, and I think quite honestly, it'll help me just to get it out. Also, I do realize that I need to update from Christmas and everythign else that's going on, but right now, I just need to get some stuff out.

Ok, so on to my rant. Currently, I am 11 weeks pregnant, and that is the basis for the whole issue this particular blog is devoted to. Now, being in the military, we have good health coverage. As long as we are on what is called Tricare Prime, everything is covered 100%. It's amazing. No copays no deductibles, no nothing, just go to the dr and go home. When I had Gav, it was 100% on their dime, I didn't pay a cent. Being under this coverage though is what I have an issue with. Like I said, its GREAT, it's amazing that we are offered this kind of benifit. The issue is (and I believe why you hear "I HATE TRICARE" so often) is that you have to be seen at a Military Treatment Facility (MFT) if they have room to provide service for you. This is where my issue is. Right now, they want me to go and deliver Baby #2 at Langley Airforce Base, which has it's own devoted hospital. (therefore not costing the military money to send me to a civilian hospital.)
Well, Langely is where I delivered Gavin at, and I had nothign but problems while I was there. Honestly, with all of thing things that went wrong while I was there, I am truely scared to go back into that hospital again.
A few highlights from my delivery there (although the list is much longer, these are the worst offences in my mind):
*was told that I would hear within 12-24 hours if I had pre-eclampsia. However, 3 days later I got a call saying to get myself in immedaitly because I had advance pre-e and was at high risk of having a stroke. (great, glad i didnt have a stroke in the 3 DAYS before I should have known!)
*was asked if I would allow a student to place my epidural. I said no, I didnt even want the student in the room watching. The student was not only in the room, but attempted to place my epidural *3* times while the "supervising doctor" was turned around talking on the cell phone. When I tried to ask for her to stop or to call for another dr. I was told to "shut up, it'll be over faster if I was still and quiet".
*had 26 hours of unnecessary labor. Had they done an ultrasound when I arrived (as I requested) then they would have known that Gavin was to big, and would not be coming out naturally.
*After the resulting c-section, while I was still in the hospital "recovering" they would regularly take Gavin and do his testing and things like that. They took him one day and returned with a different baby! I didnt notice it because she (yes they brought me a girl!) was faced away from me and I could only see blanket and hat, and my mom asked why they put a pink shirt on him and turned "him" around for me to see, yeah, it was a little asian girl that they had brought and left with us. When Iwas talking to the head nurse, and of course crying because to me, Gavin was missing at that point, she told me to "hush and calm down, its not that big of a deal" Ok, so if bringing the wrong baby and LEAVING it unattended with people other than his/her parents isnt a big deal, I'm certainly not having my child there.

I suppose my biggest issue here is that they say as long as they have "space available" for you, that they (the MTF) will provide your care. This is my problem, what is the definition of having space availalbe? Everytime I was seen there, I had to wait 5-6 weeks for an appointment. Critical bloodwork that is preformed during pregnancy takes 5+ weeks to get the results back for. A life threatening complication to me and my child was missed for DAYS, when I was supposed to be alerted within hours. Up until you are farther along in pregnancy (I believe until 3rd trimester) you are seen in GROUP appointments. Meaning, you go to your appointment with 15 people that are around the same point in pregnancy as you. You have your prenatal appoints with 10-15 total strangers, and no personal care. To me, these things say that there is not adequate space available. This is the major flaw of the Tricare/Military healthcare system. There is a problem in that they will claim to have space available to treat you, when in fact, there is not. All of the things I mentioned to me, say that that is not adequate care, and definatly not personalized and comfortable care when I think a woman deserves it most.
I am working with the patient advocate right now trying to be released from care, but she is isgnoring me. Completly. I am 11 weeks and I have not been to a doctor once. I've tried explaining everything to her, giving a detailed factual list of what happened when I delivered Gavin there, and have been told that she will "let me know" if I'm released from care there. Without being released from care at the MTF they designated me to, my insurance is no good, anywhere and everythign will be out of pocket.
I'm truly at a crossroads. I do not feel safe at this hospital, I can not and will not subject myself of my child to that again.
I do have one option, which I most likly will be taking, becuase I need to go to the dr and have proper prenatal care, is to change from aforementioned Tricare Prime, to Tricare Standard. With standard, I have copays and deductibles, as well as services that are not covered. However, I can go to the doctor/hospital of my choice. Including civilian care. My primary care manager (pcm) through Tricare Prime, is a civilian. (because all of the MTF women's care clinics were full of undoubtably pregnant women because that is ALL they see at the Langley Women's Clinic) So, when I talked to Tricare, and asked if I could have my referal to stay with my current PCM, I was told no, that I had to go to the MTF that had availablity. So now, to continue seeing the doctor that I have seen for the last year, and I really like, I am going to have to pay out of pocket, which really bites, because I really don't feel that it should be this way. After all, the military touts their "free healthcare" so much, its supposed to be the one big perk of being in the military, and now I'm going to have to CHOOSE to take myself out of the supposed "wonderful free healthcare" and enroll in the "pay for it if you want to see a qualified doctor" plan. I've appealed to the hospital and to Tricare, and nothing has come of it. It's getting to the point that I really need to be getting appropriate care, and Langley just can not offer it to me. So yeah, it's on to paying for my "free healthcare". (of course I'll willingly pay to feel like I can safely deliver my child, its more the principle at this point)
Like I said though, I really don't have a beef with Tricare, it the specific MTF that I am dealing with. I hear so much Tricare bashing on a regular basis, but honestly, I've never had a single issue with Tricare. Langley on the other hand, the one specific hospital that happens to be the closest MFT to my house, is a problem. I don't want to be mixed into the "tricare whiners" group, because I'm actaully very grateful to tricare for the coverage they provide, and as they have said, their hands are tied. As soon as Langely releases me from their care, they'll be happy to put me with the occice/hospital of my choice. Langely however, and their patient advocate (great title for someone who completly ignores me on a regular basis and has no concern over my situation) are completly blocking the process. UGH.
Anyway, there's my rant for now, I really just needed to get it out of my system and seeing it writen out does actaully help. Anyways, keep your fingers crossed that somthign good happens from this!