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Ok, so, even though I have a whole new post in my head, I'm going to refrain because I think I've been WAY to negative lately. Plus, everyone needs to see some new Gavin pictures, and hear some general life updates.

Life is going here. Nick's work is crazy, but whats new. We're hoping that his orders go through sooner rather than later so we can be moved and settled before this baby gets here. Speaking of, the pregnancy is going. I still have yet to be seen by a dr (see the first angerfest post) but it is in progress. I'm still sick, and throwing up a little, which stinks, but I'll survive. The newest "issue" is that I'm completly exhausted 24/7. It makes it a little challenging since Nick is gone quite often, and for a week or two at a time, but, I'll survive. I made it 6 of the 9 months last time with him deployed, and then he came back and we moved across the country. It looks like we're seting up to do the same with this one. Good times.

Now, on to the important stuff! Gavin pictures! We went to Phoenix for Christmas with my family, it was nice. Although Gaving ended up catching croup while we were there that resulted in an overnight trip to the hospital for he and I (nick was arriving the next day naturally) He's pretty much back to 100% now, only coughing occasionaly, but those first nights were pretty rough. He had lots of fun while we were there, complete with a multi level house, complete with his favorite thing EVER, stairs. He has his own room and bed at grandma and grandpas house, and he made himself at home, as you'll see in some of the pictures. The first three are here at home before we left, but the rest are at my parent's house in phoenix.

This is one of my all time favorites.. we went to wake him up from his nap and he was sleeping like this. I guess we never explained to him that if he slept the other way, he would fit completly in the crib. Go figure. Oh, all that stuff laying beside the crib? Yeah, that was all in the now empty box. I guess he wasn't quite ready to nap when we put him down and he kept himself occupied with it.

My child is not a monster

Ok, this is another vent, totally different subject that the last one, but, again, I just need to get it out.

My child is big. I get it. He's tall, he's solid. He has chunky thighs. That's it though. Other than that, he's is very muscular and fit. He's 18 months old and 3 ft tall. He weighs 35 lbs. He's always been large, occasionally he's went through chunky phase, but I hardly think he qualifies for the book of records. He has no rolls on his stomach, no rolls on his arms. Hes very active, and distrubingly enough, has a set of 6 pack abs that defy his age. I am so so so sick of hearing "oh wow, he's huge!" "what do you feed him" and most recently " are you training him to be a ufc fighter or somthing?" I hear things like "oh, that kid would eat a brick" "are you sure you want another, you're not going to be able to afford to feed the one you have" "oh, it's gavin, of course he'll eat it"

I hear these things on a reagular basis, and its really hurtful. I've even been told that I should be looked into by cps because I must be mistreating my kid since he's so big. No, I do not mistreat my child. Obviously. He eats well, but not excessivly. A normal lunch or dinner for him is 3 chicken nuggets, half an apple and a couple spoonfulls of corn. He'll eat about 3/4 of a toasted chesse sandwich, or a hot dog. Those are his favorites. I mean really, maybe I'm just totally out of the loop on this parenting thing, but to me, that doesnt seem like he's eating excessivly. He eats what he would like, and when he is is full, reguardless of whether there is food left or not, he will tell me but signing "all done"

I can't tell you how many times I've actaully cried myself to sleep over this because yes, he's larger than average for his age, but he was born that way. He was born at 37 weeks, and measured 43 weeks for his weight/height. Every time people make these comments I don't think that they understand that they hurt me a lot deeper that just "oh ok". I know a lot of people think it's funny or a joke to goof around that my kid is big, but I'm just so tired of hearing it. I mean at 3 months people would ask me "What are you feeding him?!" "well, pizza, ice cream, the usual" really, what are they expecting? He's 3 months, he eats formula, ONLY. Even the ladies in the nursery at chruch occasionally comment "wow he's so big, you better watch out he'll eat you out of house and home"

IT's so hurtful, he's just a baby. He's bound to be teased and go through hard times later in life because of his size. Hopefully he'll slow down his growth and match up with other his own size soon, but he's bound to go through what everyone does at some point later down the road. Thankfully at this point he doesnt know what people are saying about him, but I do. At this point, they are criticizing me, not him. He's just a baby people, leave him alone. He's 100% healthy and he's not a giant. I mean if i have a 5 ft tall 3 year old, then ok, but he's just a couple inches taller than normal right now, so get over it.

I don't understand why everyone thinks its ok to say such mean and hurtful things to both nick and I. Recently, gavin and I made a trip down to the boat to visit daddy at work. We got there and of course while we were there we ran into several people that nick works with. Two nights later when nick got home, he said "well word got out about gavin" I asked what he meant and he said everyone at work jokes about gavins size and makes comments similar to the "ufc fighter" comment mentioned earlier. He's been called everythign from chunky, fatty, porker, bull, cow, to piggy. Why do people think its ok to call a baby these things. Luckily nick is able to jsut ignore it and he claims that while it does bother him, he can generally ignore it. If I had to work in that enviroment, I don't know how I'd deal. Even just writing those words about my son brought tears to my eyes. To me, he's perfect. I love my son with all my heart, and do think that we do an alright job with raising him, and according to our pediatrician, we do a good job with his nutritional needs. Unfortunatly, a lot of people don't understand how to make their "shut up" filter in their brain function properly.

So, I guess the point is, if you see a baby and are tempted to say "oh he's so chunky" or on the opposite end "she's so tiny, dont' you feed her enough" Think twice, becuase every word like that that you say cuts that mother or father deeper than you will ever know.

What now?

This is mostly a vent out of frustration, because I really don't have anyone to talk about this with, and I think quite honestly, it'll help me just to get it out. Also, I do realize that I need to update from Christmas and everythign else that's going on, but right now, I just need to get some stuff out.

Ok, so on to my rant. Currently, I am 11 weeks pregnant, and that is the basis for the whole issue this particular blog is devoted to. Now, being in the military, we have good health coverage. As long as we are on what is called Tricare Prime, everything is covered 100%. It's amazing. No copays no deductibles, no nothing, just go to the dr and go home. When I had Gav, it was 100% on their dime, I didn't pay a cent. Being under this coverage though is what I have an issue with. Like I said, its GREAT, it's amazing that we are offered this kind of benifit. The issue is (and I believe why you hear "I HATE TRICARE" so often) is that you have to be seen at a Military Treatment Facility (MFT) if they have room to provide service for you. This is where my issue is. Right now, they want me to go and deliver Baby #2 at Langley Airforce Base, which has it's own devoted hospital. (therefore not costing the military money to send me to a civilian hospital.)
Well, Langely is where I delivered Gavin at, and I had nothign but problems while I was there. Honestly, with all of thing things that went wrong while I was there, I am truely scared to go back into that hospital again.
A few highlights from my delivery there (although the list is much longer, these are the worst offences in my mind):
*was told that I would hear within 12-24 hours if I had pre-eclampsia. However, 3 days later I got a call saying to get myself in immedaitly because I had advance pre-e and was at high risk of having a stroke. (great, glad i didnt have a stroke in the 3 DAYS before I should have known!)
*was asked if I would allow a student to place my epidural. I said no, I didnt even want the student in the room watching. The student was not only in the room, but attempted to place my epidural *3* times while the "supervising doctor" was turned around talking on the cell phone. When I tried to ask for her to stop or to call for another dr. I was told to "shut up, it'll be over faster if I was still and quiet".
*had 26 hours of unnecessary labor. Had they done an ultrasound when I arrived (as I requested) then they would have known that Gavin was to big, and would not be coming out naturally.
*After the resulting c-section, while I was still in the hospital "recovering" they would regularly take Gavin and do his testing and things like that. They took him one day and returned with a different baby! I didnt notice it because she (yes they brought me a girl!) was faced away from me and I could only see blanket and hat, and my mom asked why they put a pink shirt on him and turned "him" around for me to see, yeah, it was a little asian girl that they had brought and left with us. When Iwas talking to the head nurse, and of course crying because to me, Gavin was missing at that point, she told me to "hush and calm down, its not that big of a deal" Ok, so if bringing the wrong baby and LEAVING it unattended with people other than his/her parents isnt a big deal, I'm certainly not having my child there.

I suppose my biggest issue here is that they say as long as they have "space available" for you, that they (the MTF) will provide your care. This is my problem, what is the definition of having space availalbe? Everytime I was seen there, I had to wait 5-6 weeks for an appointment. Critical bloodwork that is preformed during pregnancy takes 5+ weeks to get the results back for. A life threatening complication to me and my child was missed for DAYS, when I was supposed to be alerted within hours. Up until you are farther along in pregnancy (I believe until 3rd trimester) you are seen in GROUP appointments. Meaning, you go to your appointment with 15 people that are around the same point in pregnancy as you. You have your prenatal appoints with 10-15 total strangers, and no personal care. To me, these things say that there is not adequate space available. This is the major flaw of the Tricare/Military healthcare system. There is a problem in that they will claim to have space available to treat you, when in fact, there is not. All of the things I mentioned to me, say that that is not adequate care, and definatly not personalized and comfortable care when I think a woman deserves it most.
I am working with the patient advocate right now trying to be released from care, but she is isgnoring me. Completly. I am 11 weeks and I have not been to a doctor once. I've tried explaining everything to her, giving a detailed factual list of what happened when I delivered Gavin there, and have been told that she will "let me know" if I'm released from care there. Without being released from care at the MTF they designated me to, my insurance is no good, anywhere and everythign will be out of pocket.
I'm truly at a crossroads. I do not feel safe at this hospital, I can not and will not subject myself of my child to that again.
I do have one option, which I most likly will be taking, becuase I need to go to the dr and have proper prenatal care, is to change from aforementioned Tricare Prime, to Tricare Standard. With standard, I have copays and deductibles, as well as services that are not covered. However, I can go to the doctor/hospital of my choice. Including civilian care. My primary care manager (pcm) through Tricare Prime, is a civilian. (because all of the MTF women's care clinics were full of undoubtably pregnant women because that is ALL they see at the Langley Women's Clinic) So, when I talked to Tricare, and asked if I could have my referal to stay with my current PCM, I was told no, that I had to go to the MTF that had availablity. So now, to continue seeing the doctor that I have seen for the last year, and I really like, I am going to have to pay out of pocket, which really bites, because I really don't feel that it should be this way. After all, the military touts their "free healthcare" so much, its supposed to be the one big perk of being in the military, and now I'm going to have to CHOOSE to take myself out of the supposed "wonderful free healthcare" and enroll in the "pay for it if you want to see a qualified doctor" plan. I've appealed to the hospital and to Tricare, and nothing has come of it. It's getting to the point that I really need to be getting appropriate care, and Langley just can not offer it to me. So yeah, it's on to paying for my "free healthcare". (of course I'll willingly pay to feel like I can safely deliver my child, its more the principle at this point)
Like I said though, I really don't have a beef with Tricare, it the specific MTF that I am dealing with. I hear so much Tricare bashing on a regular basis, but honestly, I've never had a single issue with Tricare. Langley on the other hand, the one specific hospital that happens to be the closest MFT to my house, is a problem. I don't want to be mixed into the "tricare whiners" group, because I'm actaully very grateful to tricare for the coverage they provide, and as they have said, their hands are tied. As soon as Langely releases me from their care, they'll be happy to put me with the occice/hospital of my choice. Langely however, and their patient advocate (great title for someone who completly ignores me on a regular basis and has no concern over my situation) are completly blocking the process. UGH.
Anyway, there's my rant for now, I really just needed to get it out of my system and seeing it writen out does actaully help. Anyways, keep your fingers crossed that somthign good happens from this!